Hello Everyone!
Happy Monday! The next several weeks are going to be devoted to reader’s stories. So today, my wife has offered to share one of her stories. I want to remind everyone that even though this is sort of a confession, it’s really meant to provide real world examples of how God can change your life. These stories can be used as guidance if you are going through something similar. Kacie has offered to take over for the entire week!
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It all started with a few extra pounds gained during my freshmen year at college. Combined with my loneliness because of being away from home and not knowing a single person, those few extra pounds became my obsession. I began drastically cutting my calories to around 1,000 a day and watching every single thing I ate. This would last a few weeks until I felt so deprived that I would binge on junk food until I felt sick to my stomach. Eventually I learned that I could make myself sick and I fell into a downward spiral of starving myself and then binging and purging. My weight fluctuated by about 25 pounds over that first year. I was so angry at myself for doing this to my body and scared that someone would notice that I became even more reclusive.
I was very good at hiding my addiction and making it seem like everything in my life was just fine. My close friends and family and even my boyfriend (now husband) didn’t have a clue what I was putting myself through. I also thought I could hide this from God. At the time, I did not have a close relationship with God and hadn’t yet known what His salvation really meant. I believed in God and even prayed to Him, but that was as far as it went.
I lived in this cycle for a year before finally getting the sense to tell someone. I realized I couldn’t do it on my own, but still refused to really admit it to God. The first person I told was my roommate. After telling her, I told my parents and my boyfriend. Of course they were concerned about my health, but since I still looked healthy and acted fine, I don’t think they really knew what to do about it.
After telling someone, I thought I would get the strength to stop, but I didn’t. I quickly fell back into my old habits of binging and purging, hiding away in my dorm room. Family or friends would ask me how I was doing, but I was quick to say that everything was just fine. I spent the next year, my sophomore year at college, in the same cycle and hurting my body even further.
During this time, I was never hospitalized, never lost too much weight that it was noticeable, and actually gained more weight because of all the junk food I put into my body during the binge sessions. Each time I made myself throw up, I told myself that it was the last. I would never do it again. A few days would go by and I’d be right back there in front of the toilet.
Finally by the end of my sophomore year, I had truly had enough. My last binging and purging session ended when I prayed to the God that I hardly knew and asked for help. By God’s grace I got the courage to ask my Mom if she would help me find an eating disorder clinic. I spent the summer visiting a nutritionist and psychologist each week. With their help and with God, I quickly learned how to eat like a normal person. Looking back it’s amazing to me to see where I was in that pit crying out to God in my college dorm, to a few months later being happy, healthy and on my way to recovery. I can say that it has now been 6 years since that moment in my life.
The only thing that was still missing was my relationship with God. Yes, He pulled me out of that pit, but I was a long way from really understanding His love. I’ll save that story for tomorrow. 🙂