One of my all-time favorite bands is NEEDTOBREATHE and their song, “Multiplied”, holds a special place in my heart.
When I was in the midst of postpartum depression after Enzo was born (about 3 1/2 years ago), this song had just been released on the radio. And when I say I was in the midst of PPD, I was in the dark and scary depths of it. I would be driving to one of my many appointments with a wailing newborn baby in the backseat. Tears streaming down my face, I would blare this song and put it on repeat. Almost every time, Enzo would fall asleep by the second time through the song. It became my go-to song for him whenever we were in the car and even at home if I couldn’t get him to stop crying. And it wasn’t just good for him, it helped me feel God’s presence despite the awful feelings of depression pulsing through my body.
I heard this song again the other day and it brought me back. Back to that place of hopelessness and loneliness. That place where my skin was crawling, the place where I wanted out. If you’ve ever experienced any kind of depression you know how awful it truly is. You feel like nobody understands you and there is no way out. Couple that with sleep deprivation, a screaming baby, breastfeeding issues, fighting with your spouse who doesn’t understand and it intensifies the depression. But even though it brought me back to that place of dread, it also reminded me of the hope I have in Jesus.
Music has always spoke to me. When I gave my heart to Jesus at the age of 21, I discovered all of these amazing artists and songs that are speaking God’s word into so many people’s lives. Joe introduced me to NEEDTOBREATHE at some point before we got married and I’m so thankful I had that song during those dark days. Luckily, I am now on the other side of that depression experience and can look back and see how God worked in our lives through those moments.
I’ve been studying Romans through Bible Study Fellowship and we have been discussing suffering a lot. We’ve been honing in on how God doesn’t guarantee that his followers won’t suffer. He actually says the opposite and that we will face many trials in this life. But that “our present sufferings aren’t worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18). And despite those trials, God promises that he will work for the good of all those who love Him (Romans 8:28). That means that as believers, we can trust that through any situation in our lives, God has a greater plan and purpose that is ultimately for good. And that we have assurance we will be with Him in heaven at the end of this earthly life.
I don’t feel like I’m really going through any type of suffering or trial in my life right now. I’m not complaining! However, I keep hearing these verses about suffering, especially over the last few weeks, and I’m wondering if God is trying to prepare my heart for something that’s coming. I have no idea what the might be, and to be honest it freaks me out, but I’m glad to have His Word and His promises to hold on to. As well as this amazing song. 🙂
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