On Monday (here) I wrote about how we lost our baby which brought with it many questions. My main focus was on how do you trust a God that has allowed this to happen? How was I going to stay focused and not let the sadness and confusion overwhelm me? The answer–trust, people, prayer, thanksgiving.
Prayer
So we all know how important prayer is. That open door of communication with our creator. The thing that will comfort us so we do not feel alone. It is hard though. Where do you start? I just lost my baby. Sometimes I didn’t want to pray. Sometimes I just didn’t want to think about anything. That is when I started to feel as if God was leaving me. In reality I was pulling back from Him. He is always there–constant. I started out by just opening my hand, palm up towards heaven. As a symbol begging God to find me and help me. Begging for some sleep and comfort. Palm towards Heaven single words would come out—like sad, or trust, or help. Still prayer just short. God knew exactly what I was talking with Him about and what I needed at that time. Eventually, I could have a conversation with Him. Explaining my confusion and of course asking why. I had to learn later that if we always knew the why we wouldn’t rely on Him to get us through storms of life. You have to trust. So I would start praying for His help in trusting Him. I wanted more than anything to understand . Because I kept that door of communication open between God and myself He blessed my life in so many ways. Without prayer I would be disconnected from the only person who could build me up totally and make me a better person. He has the power to transform my heart and He did through trust, people and prayer.
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving–giving thanks. God wants thanksgiving in all seasons of our life. How can God expect us to give thanks when something hurts down to our core? Because He knows what is best for us. Impossible you say–not so. There is always something to be thankful for–always. I may not have been thankful for losing our baby or missing my sister’s wedding but I was thankful I got to hold him and see him and spend those few moments with him. I will never forget that time– the perfect baby that he was. I was thankful for all those people—that loved us and carried us. I was thankful for the church. I was thankful that God wrapped us up and allowed us to feel His love. Today I look back and can truly with all my heart am thankful for that season of my life. To know that I can now be a blessing to others and bring others hope when they are in a valley. I am thankful that God gives us opportunities to share our life. I am thankful I get to celebrate our baby’s birthday each year. I am thankful that he is in a beautiful place in the presence of God. I am thankful for what his life represents in me today. How I have grown and changed. I am thankful that our baby’s life has changed so many lives. My Angel Baby . God is good and I am thankful.