On Monday (here) I wrote about how we lost our baby which brought with it many questions. My main focus was on how do you trust a God that has allowed this to happen? How was I going to stay focused and not let the sadness and confusion overwhelm me? The answer–trust, people, prayer, thanksgiving.
PEOPLE
Have you ever noticed when you are in a valley there is someone there to help you through it? That is God providing you with the perfect people that will keep you going. As I look back there are so many people that God put in our path to help us through this. Jeanette—I still remember her words. ” I tried to recitate him but he had been without oxygen too long.” She took pictures of him saying she knew we would want them. Jeanette probably does not know the impact she had on me. She is exactly who I needed at that moment. Someone fighting for my baby when I couldn’t. Within an hour of losing our baby, our church–the one we only went to twice since we had just moved here, was at our side. Praying with us and loving us. There were other Christians who came, sharing their own loss and showing us hope. Having a church family is soooo extremely important. I remember joining a women’s group shortly after our loss and the leader had us all stand outside with balloons in our hand. This was our time to let go of something holding us back for all that God had for us. My eyes filled with tears as I let go of that balloon–”your baby didn’t make it” stirring in my head. I felt so much relief as I saw that balloon floating up to heaven. Trust and people. Drawing my sorrow and sadness out–growing me closer to God. Of course there is family. How sad it can be to watch sadness in their eyes. To know they are hurting just as bad as you. But having them there, so hurt, with you is exactly what I needed. To love me to understand the pain and hurt. To lift me up and get me through. I have to add this was extremely difficult on my family (as well me). My sister was getting married the week after Tyler died. They all had to face loss and turn around and be joyful for my sister getting married. That may have been my lowest point–missing my sister’s wedding. Why God did you allow this to happen and now of all times. I have never cried so hard. Some things are not for me to know but I trust God. Family is there to help you remember. One of the most amazing things my family did for us is making Christmas ornaments in memory of Tyler and hanging them. Never have I been so touched in my life. Family is a blessing from God. People put in place according to God’s perfect plan. No better person has God brought into my life than my husband. Holding me and loving me–even through his own hurt. He didn’t run or hide –he was there to hold on no matter what. God providing for me through others. How I cherish every person that helped me through that time.